101 Top Murphy's Laws

Murphy's Law:

If anything can go wrong, it will.

This page was reviewed on the PRN Radio Network's Daily Report, Wednesday 2-Apr-1997.

It probably wasn't the first aphorism to describe those seemingly immutable laws of the universe, but since its creation in the late 1940s (probably in the military, according to various sources), it's become the most common. Mention "Murphy's Law" to anyone today, and they'll nod in reluctant agreement.

Over the years, there have been many efforts to compile and categorize these sayings. A tip of the hat to Arthur Bloch, whose series of "Murphy's Law" books and calendars starting in 1977 helped popularize the genre; and to Paul Dickson, whose collections "The Official Rules" and "The New Official Rules" (Addison-Wesley) are possibly the definitive works on the subject.

I have borrowed from these, as well as from assorted scraps of paper in my files, to compile this list of the 101 greatest Murphy's Laws, along with corollaries in some cases. (If I'm not mistaken, copyright law says that only the specific compilation may be copyrighted; therefore, it's acceptable to borrow aphorisms from these books as long as I don't present them in the same form or order. Of course, Murphy will prove me wrong!)

Associated Links:
Arthur Bloch's Web sites ...
Arthur M. Young (philosopher extraordinaire)
Metacrostics (word puzzles)

For a discussion of why things, as opposed to people, sometimes go wrong, take a look at Prof. Frank Lambert's discussion of the second law of thermodynamics.

To get to a specific category of laws, select one of the links below. Or feel free to simply page down and browse.

General Laws

Murphy's Law

If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollaries (as outlined by Arthur Bloch, 1977):

Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution breeds new problems.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Mother Nature is a bitch.

Rules of the Computer

The Unnamed Mimeo Sheet Laws

It will not work the first time.
It probably will not work on the second attempt.
Immediately after you walk away from the printer, the paper will jam.
If you fail to back up your disk, it will be ruined by the drive.
All software contains a bug, which you will discover at the least opportune moment.
- Corollary: It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature.
Computers are not really smart. They're fast.

The Computer Programming Laws

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Farmer's Almanac Computer Maxim

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology

There's always one more bug.

Other Laws of Appliances

Sattinger's Law (or Sattingler's Law)

It works better if you plug it in.

Cahn's Axiom (or Allen's Axiom)

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Eleventh Law for Naive Engineers

Interchangeable parts won't.

Third Law of Office Murphology

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Photographer's Laws

The best shots happen immediately after the last frame is exposed.
The other best shots are generally attempted through the lens cap.
Any surviving best shots are ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.

Boliska's Realization

If it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.

Work Rules

Parkinson's Law

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

The Peter Principle

In any hierarchy, every individual tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Corollary: Work is done by those individuals who have not yet risen to their level of incompetence.

Conway's Law

In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what's going on. That person must be fired.

The Law of Institutions

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

Benchley's Rule

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it is not the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Mars' Rule

An expert is anyone from out of town.

Rules of Order (meetings, committees, etc.)

Gourd's Axiom

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Swipple's Rule of Order

He who shouts loudest has the floor.

Parker's Rule of Parliamentary Procedure

A motion to adjourn is always in order.

Human Interaction Laws

Steele's Plagiarism

Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Longfellow's Elevator Rules

Face forward.
Fold hands in front.
Do not make eye contact.
Watch the numbers.
Don't talk to anyone you don't know.
Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't know enters the elevator.
Avoid brushing bodies.

Captain Penny's Law

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mom.

The Rule of the Great

When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.

Flugg's Rule

The slowest checker is always at the express check-out lane.

Canada Bill Jones' Supplement

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Political Laws

David Broder's Law

Anyone who wants the presidency enough that he will spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

John Dean's Law of D.C.

Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather than answering them.

Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics

Get elected.
Get re-elected.
Don't get mad, get even.

Evans' Law of Political Perfidy

When our friends get into power, they aren't our friends anymore.

Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom

Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.

Laws of Science

David Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics

An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.